b'dogs in the city.Running For Pawffice?S o, theres something my radar someone in the doghouse over emails?ears have picked up on recently, I double dog dare these candy-datessomething called poly-ticks. (sounds like a sweet treat to me) toAs if one tick isnt bad enough. forget emails and switch to tree-mail.What kind of crazy cat came up with Its environmentally friendly, open tothat scare tactic? Scratch that idea. the public and smells better, too.Then I found out all these Of course, a dog-eat-dog worldda-baits are about fighting over does not apply to dogs.What thiswho gets to be the Top Dogas if. bunch lacks are real objectives. I mean, you should see Like, how fast can theythem all, dressed up in de-stuff a squeak toy?their clothes (what kind Forget the podiums.Iof fur are they covering think if they rolled onup, anyway?), barking at their backs up there oneach other and bearing stage and let the com-their teeth. Right now, mentators give themIm not sure their bark tummy rubs, while theywould be worse than took a nice long puppytheir bite. Ill bet my nap, theyd wake upwhiskers, they didnt ready to play nice.even have the courtesy to sniff each Get rid of da-bait and replace it withother first. da-TREATS.Giving a good lick on the The requirements for Pawsidentface can change everything. Faux should be pretty simple.FURst:paws everywhere. Petiquette is so Super Puppy Powers, a must; swornunderrated nowadays. to save the world from loud trucks,They also all seem so grumpy. snarky squirrels and doorbells.TheI have to wonder when was the only clothing needed is a capea biglast time any of them chased a furling red one that flaps in the windtennis ball in the park? Oh, sure when I fly. Oh, SNAP!we canines have our differences. Who Well, if Im going to run fordoesnt? We make no bones about anything, it better be a well-thrownbarking our opinions to each other, toy.Trump that!either. Then, someone throws a As for the one who eventuallyFrisbee, the subject changes, and were ends up as the top dog in theoff to more important things. Barkhouse? Nose up: better watchThere is also a lot of bark over out for those pesky poly-ticks.U wLife from a Dogs Perspective is a series written for The New Barker by Guinness the dog(as told to hismom, Lon Martin). Photograph by Lon Martin. 108 THE NEW BARKER www.TheNewBarker.com'