b'A white ball of fluff, a dead ringer for a coconut-covered and handler would succumb to an epic failure, despite effortsSnowball Hostess cake, zigzagged as we attempted to march in to excel.lockstep around the parking lot. Several dog owners shot me Nobody fails, Linda assured me. But you might considerthe hairy eyeball as I attempted repeatingthecourse.Afterall,but failed to rein in Bambinas Bambinas still a baby. That said,Energizer Bunny enthusiasm. myfurchildlaunchedintoaObedience training at home dizzyingdisplayofsupersonicearned me battle scars: blisters, zoomies.brokennailsandbruises. I Bambinasimproving,modifiedthenofreelunch Linda said. Really.rule by bribing my eight-week- Student(Bambina)andIold puppy with treats when she (her human mom) did graduate.sat and stayed longer than a We paraded, in fits and starts, tonanosecond. the make-shift podium to acceptThreeweekslater,Linda the diploma.introduced the class to the chal- EventhoughIoptedtolengeofclimbingstairs. forgo another round of obedienceHomework entailed a trip to a training, I continued the drill atlocalcourthousewhere,tomy homewithdosesofloveandamazement, Bambina ascended patienceinterspersedwithone-the dozen steps like a pro. As word commands.for the descent, Bambina imple- Bambina, Christmas, 2006 Fast forward four months.mented an outside-the-biscuit- Afriendremarked, Bambinaistreat-box strategy: she simply leaped and landed catlike on all sowellbehaved.Ihadtoagree.Shetrulyexhibitedfour paws. obedience as long as I kept her away from mulch, cigaretteAt week eight, the final exam loomed. I predicted puppy butts and acorns. Uwww.TheNewBarker.com THE NEW BARKER 39'