b'I jump up, blurting, That little f***er.Then Raven does the same. What the!!! We thoughtit was too high for her, but what the hell do we know? Shes a little f***er, too! I gasp. Three days in and both dogs are gone. Michael retrievesthe Pouch of Power and sprints outside. I stay put andwince at his unheeded calls.Ten minutes later, Raven is at the front door. I rushover as if wed been apart for years. Thirty minutes later,Michael returns with Darwin, who, unlike us, is unfazed byhismorningexcursion.Hewastwohousesaway.Theowner summoned me and pointed to Darwins poop. Shedoesnt want any more visits.Were relieved, but Im unnerved as I ponder the conse-quences for their rogue activity. I leave the dogs inside lookingout at us on the deck. I did tell you that Im not the fun one. Raven stares out and Darwin relentlessly paws the door.We dont acknowledge them. I have instituted a communi-cations blackout.Should we let them come out? Michael asks.Hell no. The pawing continues. IraisemyrighthandabovemyshoulderandgiveDarwin the middle finger.Imprettysurehedoesntunderstandwhatthatmeans, Michael observes.I know, but it makes me feel better.Okay, well go with that.Ellen 2, Rival(s) 3.I have calmed down and decide its time for a chat withour charges. I go inside and they gather before me. I seetheir thought bubbles.Raven: What do you think shes going to say? Darwin: No idea. Let her have her moment and then wellget a treat. These two humans are predictable.I scold them and unleash (how apt) my displeasure withtheir decisions. Im on a roll when Darwin gives me a dog-gie head tilt and my gravitas is lost. Before I can regroup,they prance off and assume nap position.I have so much to learn.I quickly appreciate why dogs are considered compan-ions. They follow everywhere! The washroom, the kitchen,the laundry room, up the stairs, during yoga, and whenreading. I told Nicole that, surprisingly, I dont mind notpeeing alone. Her response? Why would you want to?I laugh.Oddly, they stay clear when I vacuum. I imagine anoth-er thought bubble. Weve seen you with a leash. Were not com-ing anywhere near you with a motor running.Theyre not wrong.Four days in, at 3 a.m., I hear Darwin jump off the bed. Idare not move. He comes beside me and presses his wet noseagainst my arm. Then he plops his chin on it. Why doesnthe go to Michael?After five minutes outside in the cool,invigorating air, we return to bed.Continued on page 41 gwww.TheNewBarker.com THE NEW BARKER 39'