b'The Canine-ChallengedChristmas Cardby Patricia MisiukLikeoilandvinegar,kidsandcamerasseldomblend Simplicity and moderation never factored into Dadswell.Adda75-poundGerman lexicon of life.During pre-digitalShorthaired Pointer to the mix and days seven decades ago, props forchallenges multiply exponentially. ourfamilyphotoshootincludedIn 1953 at the age of seven, I bagpipes,aRolleiflexcamerasharedmychildhoodwithtwo secured on a tripod, countless rollsbrothers,afour-year-oldhuman offilm,ahymnal,flashbulbsnamed Jimmy and a two-year-old, whose intense light would bouncefour-pawedsiblingcalledJack, offthemoon,andlastbutnotbetter known as the stealthy stealer. least,boxes.many boxes.of MilkThanksgiving erupted in chaos Bones.as relatives flitted about and Mom, Atwo-biscuitbribecoaxedinherhastetomashpotatoes, Jackontoalowtablebetweenplaced the 22-pound turkey to cool Jimmyandme.Toparaphraseon the sideboard. Jack, with a seam- CecilB.DeMille,wewerereadylessswipe,grabbedthebirdand for our closeup, er, closeups.devouredallbutthecarcassand Jimmy and I shared a hymnal andthenwasheditalldownwithhis pretended to sing while Dad playedfavoritebeverage,waterfromthe the bagpipes, enticing Jack to howl.toilet bowl. Jack, aka the stealthy stealer MomclickedthecablereleaseasWhile a bloated Jack was burp- hissing flashbulbs blinded us.ingandsuccumbingtoatryptophancoma,Dadwas I cant see, Jimmy whined.plotting our annual holiday greeting. Yes, a non-Currier Jack looks like a rocket, Mom commented,and Ives card featuring not snow but song.reaching into the bag of treats.Two outtakes from the 1953 Christmas Card photo session taken by Patricias dad.48 THE NEW BARKER www.TheNewBarker.com'